Fake posts, real responses
new york craigslist > manhattan > computers & tech
Reply to: sale-824633906@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-09-02, 10:02PM EDT
Mozilla Firefox v. 3.01 - $35
-Includes tabbed browsing, StumbleUpon application
-Still in original shrink-wrapped box
-Email me soon and I will throw in Google Reader for free
new york craigslist > services
Reply to: comm-820612926@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-08-31, 3:52AM EDT
SHIP ME YOUR MONEY AND I WILL LAUNDER IT FOR YOU.
People in this city are so gross, and you let them put your their filthy fingers all over your precious money. Strippers are grinding with dollars bills in their sweatiest holes and then they are giving them directly to your bank. Dogs fornicate in the streets and then a child drops a dime in a mysterious wet patch.
YOU DO THE MATH.
You are worth more than that. Your money proves it. If you ship me your money I will ship you back all or most of your money and it will be cleaner than it was before and you can go use the edges of the bills to cut even the toughest of steaks.
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
Stop it! When you try to buy a ruby with a pile of crumpled bills you should get thrown out of the store for being awful. You had might as well buy a pair of mittens and then try to pay with leaves. Go onto the floor of the stock exchange and start waving around some paper cups and see how far that gets you. If you pay your bookie in toilet paper you will be fed feet first into a wood chipper. Do you actually want any of these things?
GET A BETTER LIFE.
GET YOUR MONEY LAUNDERED BY ME.
CONTACT ME FOR DETAILS.
new york craigslist > all apartments
Reply to: hous-822667710@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-09-01, 5:53PM EDT
LOOKING TO SUBLET THE BACK OF MY VAN.
LOCATION: EAST VILLAGE, BUT CAN EASILY CHANGE
COZY INTERIOR
TWO ROOMS (FRONT AND BACK OF VAN, BUT BACK CAN BE PARTITIONED WITH A TOWEL)
$250/MONTH PLUS GAS AND CAR INSURANCE
YOU WILL NOT FIND A BETTER DEAL ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD.
P.S. DO NOT MIND MY FRIEND JOE, HE IS JUST TEMPORARY GUEST LAYING LOW FOR A WHILE UNTIL SOME STUFF COOLS OVER.
P.P.S. PHOTO MAY NOT BE OF ACTUAL INTERIOR.
new york craigslist > musicians
Reply to: comm-820577768@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-08-31, 2:31AM EDT
What up internet my name is L-Bone but the ladies call me El Boner cuz I’m always poppin’ em up inside, right? I am also Hispanic so the name El Boner makes sense. Works on more than one level.
Anyway, I just writing this cuz I need to get discovered by a record label or mogul or whatever so that I can rap my way off the street. See I know I can be a star cuz I ride around the subway singing along to the beats I’m listening to on my Zune so you know how I can roll. You’ve probably seen me! Here let me give an example of one of my rhymes:
“I dunno whatchu take me as
Or understand the intelligence that Jay-Z has.”
Except instead of Jay-Z you should put L-Bone in there instead cuz that’s me.
So I’ll be willing to try out in your studio as long as I can have my headphones in so that I can mumble over someone else’s lyrics and beats.
Thanks in advance,
L-Bone
new york craigslist > casual encounters
Reply to: pers-816130944@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-08-27, 11:16PM EDT
I just discovered my “loving” and “faithful” husband of 4 years has been cheating on me with his co-worker — let’s call her Mindy — for at least 2 months. Mindy has a loving husband of her own and a beautiful 10-year-old boy. Here’s the deal: We will go to my husband’s office and primitive, squawking-style sex on the CEO’s desk, and after we have both climaxed, we will squeeze some turds out. After we have both been arrested, my husband will be forced to bail us out and will be financially ruined. You will receive no compensation for this.
new york craigslist > men seeking women
Reply to: pers-813836751@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-08-26, 1:04PM EDT
Dear Sandra Day O’Connor, I would love to grab dinner with you sometime. I know you’re busy and all, but Labor Day is coming up and maybe you can extend it even further by law!!! (LOL).
Yours,
George Fulman
NOTE:
IF YOU ARE NOT SANDRA DAY O’CONNOR:
If you are not, PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS MESSAGE. I repeat, ONLY RESPOND TO THIS MESSAGE IF YOU TRULY ARE SANDRA DAY O’CONNOR. I am completely serious about this. If you do not have a .gov email address, THEN YOU ARE PROBABLY TRYING TO SCAM ME, AND I WILL NTO FALL FOR YOUR BULLSHIT AGAIN.
IF YOU ARE SANDRA DAY O’CONNOR:
Tahnk you so much for finally getting back to me. I know we will hav ea great life together. I am going to be taking the LSAts in Novmeber, so we will have a lot to talk about!!!! Don’t worry, dinnner’s on me ;) Looking forward to FINALLY meeting you in person.
new york craigslist > casual encounters
Reply to: pers-814655800@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-08-26, 9:59PM EDT
I am 21 y/o gay man looking for a friend to brutally beat me close to death. I mean real serious stuff here: I want you to pull my teeth out. Smash my nose in until gray matter starts dripping out of my ears. Bite into my ass as many times as you want. Literally as many times as you want. Even until I have no ass left. Smash my fucking eyes in with a bat and then jam it up my ass until it crushes my heart. I won’t stop you. Work me over real good. Slow it down if you want with some punches or kicks or whatever.
I need this. I have fantasized this about my whole life and I need someone who can do a good job. I want nothing else.
NO SEX STUFF. You can jo if you want or jam shit into my dick but THIS IS NOT ABOUT SEX.
Please send pics with your response.
I can host.
new york craigslist > casual encounters
Reply to: pers-816089570@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-08-27, 10:37PM EDT
Horny 5′10, 145 lbs toned white male looking for beefy bear massage…and maybe more ; ) Hit me up if you’re interested.
NOTE: I am obliged by state and local law to disclose that due to a genetic defect, my semen contains a considerable amount of the neurotoxin tricomalania. If more than 0.75 oz (approx. 4 beads worth) is ingested, temporary paralysis my result. 1.5 oz (8 beads, and my normal release) can result in moderate to severe brain damage. More than 10 oz. can lead to death. As a precaution, I recommend that my ejaculate not make any contact with any portion of the human body, including mouth, anus, face, skin. I offer latex gown, gloves, and venom-proof facemask to wear as a prophylactic during intercourse. Initial symptoms of poisoning include facial twitching, dysphoria, and dry mouth. Late symptoms include but are not limited to wheezing, sneezing, constant blinking, rapid nail growth, death, and anal creaking. If at any point my semen makes contact with your body, or if you begin to experience these symptoms post-coitus, it is IMPERATIVE that you contact Poison Control immediately.
new york craigslist > casual encounters
Reply to: pers-813664682@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-08-26, 11:26AM EDT
Hello, I am a SWM looking for someone to come to my apartment to recite the pledge of Allegiance while I masturbate to the Democratic National Convention on TV and ejaculate onto an American flag. Age and physical appearance do not matter, but a background in politics and law would be ideal. If you are interested, please respond with resume and cover letter. Thank you.
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 813664682
new york craigslist > manhattan > men seeking men
Reply to: pers-816113556@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-08-27, 10:59PM EDT
I just can’t stand it anymore. I need someone who looks like Barack Obama to come and just rail me. I won’t even need to talk to you or anything. I know I know he is a sitting U.S. Senator and the presidential candidate and has a wife and children but I just really really need to feel him inside me. If I had to list the priorities in my life right now this would be numbers one through four, without question. Please, if you look like Barack Obama (even a white or Asian version, no Indians though) let me know immediately and you can rail me.
I can host.
Send pix.