Dregs List

new york craigslist > m4w

Reply to: pers-898121431@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-11, 1:28PM EDT

I am a 29-year-old grocery bagger at Trader Joe’s seeking a woman interested in engaging in anal foreplay. I have been working in the Union Square Trader Joe’s for 2 years now and am hoping to soon be promoted to manager. Trader Joe’s is an excellent place to work: Congenial coworkers, excellent benefits and 401K, and a culture that rewards excellence. My ideal mate would be as enthusiastic about Trader Joe’s as I am, and would also have a extensive background in rimming, analingus, and bead use.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN DATING A GROCER BUT ARE NOT WILLING TO ENGAGE IN ANAL FOREPLAY, PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND.

IF YOU ARE WILLING TO ENGAGE IN ANAL FOREPLAY BUT ARE NOT ACCEPTING OF THE TRADER JOE’S LIFESTYLE, YOU MAY RESPOND, BUT DO NOT EXPECT OUR RELATIONSHIP TO WORK OUT IN THE LONG RUN.

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new york craigslist> men seeking women

Reply to: pers-845220860@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-09-29, 12:18PM EDT

I am a 34 year old blind man living in UWS and I am looking for a deaf woman for a long term relationship culminating in reproduction. I am hoping that we will mix our genes and produce a deaf and blind child who would (if things go well) recreate the success of Helen Keller. There would surely be book deals and TV specials and all sorts of endorsement opportunities for people who want to hear about our plight.

Please note, to play it safe I want a woman who is genetically deaf, otherwise the baby may not inherent deaf genes. (If you cut your arm off and then later produce a baby it does not always mean your baby will have only one arm.)

It does not matter what you look like because, again, I am blind. You should also know that I have a horrible habit of screaming in my sleep but this should not be a problem. This is because you should be deaf.

P.S. I hope I am writing this in the right section of craigslist because I just had to guess where to click. Please let me know otherwise.

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According to NBC King 5 News, a Washington state man used Craigslist to hire people to dress up in construction vests and wear respirator masks in order to work on a construction site. It never existed. The man then dressed in the same clothing and robbed an armored car nearby. When he fled, he left a dozen witless dopplegangers in the street to confuse and delay the police.

He is clearly the best man. He deserves all the money he stole and probably a whole lot more.

I am writing this post to congratulate him and openly invite him to post Dregslist. Dear armored car thief of Monroe Washington, we could use someone with your cunning and your daring for our future machinations.

new york craigslist > services

Reply to: res-859616046@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-09-29, 12:18PM EDT

OK, so I lost my job at the pet store recently so I don’t have health insurance, but I am almost positive that there is something wrong with me. Ever since I got hit in the torso by that Buick three days ago, my abdomen and pelvic regions have been hurting really badly. I went on WebMD and cross checked my symptoms on Wikipedia and Wrong Diagnosis, and I am almost 100% I have uterine fibroids as a result of being hit by the Buick.

Pelvic pain? Check.

Lower abdominal fullness? Check.

Reduced bladder capacity? Check.

Frequent bladder problems? Check.

Lower back pain? Check.

That is five symptoms out of eight, according to WebMD. The only ones I am missing are related to menstruation, but I would not have those because I am male. I have also been experiencing some heavy bleeding, huge bruises, and a cracked pelvis, probably as a result of the fibroids pressing against the muscle and bone regions where the Buick ran into me.

If you are a surgeon with experience removing uterine fibroids and are willing to do some pro bono work, or if you can find me a job at another pet store, please contact me immediately.

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new york craigslist > barter

Reply to: sale-857508225@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-09-27, 2:46PM EDT

i got a big Monster Truck that i am looking to get rid of because of the economy. Money is real tight so i dont have any picture but i assuer you it is thesize and shape of the average Monster Truck. blue. its a ford because i would not drive a chevy monster truck because they are no good and you know japanese dont make em either.

This thing is good for all sorts of stuff like driving.

Like I said it gets real bad gas milage because it is a Monster Truck.

9 mpg highway
6 mpg city
4 mpg running over cars

i am lookin for something smaller maybe a hyrid Monster Truck that runs on electricity? Let me know well make a deal,

You need a ladder to get into this thing so you might want to pick one up cuz I need to keep it .

edit: I am also looking to traed a regular ladder for a slightly smaller ladder.

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This is a break from our usual content to explain what has transpired over the course of the past week. After making this post about a former Lehman Brothers employee trying to unload 4.5 million shares of stock. It is one of the most evidently fake post on this site, but we got a whole slew of replies. People actually wanted to buy the Skittle-colored Porches and the wine owned by Plato. We expected this.

We did not expect a Russian news station, NTV (HTB in Cyrillic), to request an interview with the completely fictional Mark Auld about his fictional firing from Lehman Brothers.

Dregslist just broke through to 3D.

new york craigslist > barter

Reply to: sale-851416486@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-09-22, 9:26PM EDT

Hi all! We just moved from our office on the 21st floor to a new office on the 20th floor and I suddenly find myself in need of lots more dog calendars. I just have so much more cubicle space to cover and just not enough dog calendars to make it work.

I am willing to buy or trade in exchange, but keep in mind that my ideal dog calendar would contain the following:

- A dog sitting at a baseball game in a seat where a human should sit.
- A tiny dog sitting next to a very big dog (They are friends!)
- A dog being terrified of a Roomba robotic vacuum.
- A two panel image of a dog eating a bug and then spitting it out because it tastes gross (The bug is fine!)
- PUPPY LOVE: Two dogs getting married (works even better of one of the dogs is a tiny dog and the other dog is a very big dog).

Let me know!

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new york craigslist > barter

Reply to: sale-843579762@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-09-16, 7:48PM EDT

Alright so I am a (former) Lehman Brothers broker. The truth is that I don’t really know what I did there but I am real good at Excel spreadsheets and apparently ruining the economy. The point is that I have accumulated a little under 4.5 million shares of stock and I need to get rid of them and some other stuff I have bought over the years.

My Soho loft is pretty much packed with stock, so is my Water Street condo and my summer apartment in the Upper West Side. I have live-in girlfriends at each of these places and I can’t stand to lose any of them, so I am DEFINITELY a motivated seller.

I am trying to get rid of the following things:

- All 4.5 million shares of stock, perfect for a paper airplane fleet, wallpapering, you name it.
- A series of Porsche 911 Turbos painted to match the color of Skittles
- Bottles of wine apparently owned by Plato (I might have gotten ripped off???)
- A houseboat in Long Island Sound with a firing range on it.
- The original Zapruder film (rare!)
- I can also tell you stories about eating at some really amazing and famous restaurants (Daniel, Per Se, Nobu, and more)

In retrospect I probably should have saved some money or maybe worked for a decent company but the past is unfortunately behind me and the future is crushing down on me like 210,000 pounds of paper.

Make me a reasonable offer and we’ll talk!

Mark

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new york craigslist > casual encounters

If you are reading this and you are a woman, all I want is for you to place your naked vagina against my ear and let me listen. The shape and size and texture of your vagina are not really important as I am not yet much of an audiophile (though I am working towards it).

Ideally I would be able to place your love canal in perfect suction with my ear canal so that the aural bliss of your female parts would undergo a lossless transition into my brain.

I am sorry if you think I am a creep but there are so many men who enjoy vaginae with sight or touch or smell or taste, I just want to appreciate via hearing (the finest sense). The subtle ruminations of your internal pipes and juices would just be to do die for.

There will be no actual sex involved, though I may jo the entire time (you are free to watch.) I do request that you remain silent like if you were at a movie theater or pleasant symphony.

(My ideal situation would be two woman, one vagina against the left ear and another vagina against the right. The stereophonic resonance would, in my opinion, be sublime.)

Please please let me know if you are interested. I can host.

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new york craigslist > event calendar

Hey craigslist, ever wonder why you have to buy a new map every week just to stay up to date? Ever wonder why geopolitical boundaries are constantly shifting?

The fact is that ALL GEOPOLITCAL CONFLICTS ARE CONTROLLED BY “BIG MAP.” They need the maps of the worlds to change CONSTANTLY so you, the sheeple, are required to buy new ones all the time.

WHERE IS DR. CONGO?
WHERE ARE THE CONFEDERATE STATES OF AMERICA?
WHERE IS PRUSSIA?

Gone.

Why?

Follow the money.

BIG MAP HAS PULLED THE WOOL OVER OUR EYES.

PRESIDENTS, KINGS, WARLORDS. They are all puppets dangling on the strings controlled by BIG MAP a.k.a. Mr. RAND MCNALLY AND HIS COHORTS.

I have proof that BIG MAP had foreknowledge of 9/11! CAN YOU DENY PROOF? NO! Also notice that a total of ZERO cartographers died in the Twin Towers. WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

Big Map rakes in LITERALLY HUNDEDS of THOUSANDS of dollars every year.

What you can do to choke this mess off at the source:

- Immediately pull your children from all geography classes.
- Write to your congressman and tell them to keep MAPS STATIC and to SAY NO TO BIG CARTOGRAPHY.
- Come to our PROTEST AT UNION SQUARE for our first annual MAP BURNING. Octobter 12th, 2008. 9 PM. Maps will not be provided.

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