new york craigslist > manhattan > community > musicians

Date: 2009-08-20, 1:15AM EDT
Reply to: comm-rcqs7-1332498071@craigslist.org

Hey friends, I’m Dan Smith. I’m just writing this ad about my ability to teach you rock and blues guitar. Actually, this isn’t so much an ad as it is a one-way conduit of information allowing me to tell you that I am going to teach you rock and blues guitar. You may be asking yourself at this point, “Why do I want to learn rock and blues guitar?”

I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND

You are going to learn rock and blues guitar because I am going to teach you rock and blues guitar.

THINK OF IT LIKE THIS

- It’s 2035, and a meteor is about to crash into the earth. The world government is organizing a huge cave city to save the best parts of humanity. They will need someone to play them rock and blues guitar. Will it be you? Yes.

-There is an mutant virus, and the only cure is rock and blues guitar. Who is going to play that rock and blues and guitar? It will be you, because I will teach you. I’m Dan Smith.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:

Q: When can I stop learning rock and blues guitar?
A: No.

Q: What do you think about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict?
A: In the days of King Solomon, problems like the division of Jerusalem would be solved with rock and blues guitar.

Q: What is your favorite musical note?
A: Rock and blues guitar.

Q: Who did you vote for in the 2008 US presidential election?
A: Mike Huckabee.

Q: How do you find the time to teach so many people rock and blues guitar?
A: I am five hundred years old.

Q: How long have you been playing rock and blues guitar?
A: I teach rock and blues guitar, but I don’t play rock and blues guitar. I have no arms.

Q: My family is going on vacation to Istanbul for a few weeks so I might have to hold off on my lessons for a while. Is that okay?
A: When you get to your hotel, knock on the room two doors to the left of yours. Dan Smith will teach you rock and blues guitar.

Do not bother to reply to this ad. I will be at your place in five.