new york craigslist > small biz ads

Reply to: serv-914176702@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-11-10, 11:37PM EST

We just hired a major marketing firm to increase business at our Financial District used jewelry shop, and we all agreed that the best way to get people into the store is to hire wretched street creatures to hand out flyers to uninterested passersby.

THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN!

We are looking for individuals between the ages of 55 and 75 who would be willing to hand out our flyers and/or wear a sandwich board sign (we simply cannot afford today’s huge overhead costs of pole acquisition and construction).

Our ideal employee would have deep, sunken eyes that are permanently glazed over in a semi-unconscious stupor. Qualified candidates would have horrible methmouth and/or constant white flecks in the corner of their mouths from nonstop jaw smacking. You should have 3-4 years of experience in complete homelessness and preferably a lifetime of defeat registered on your ashen face.

Proficiency in Microsoft Excel 2007 is acceptable but also wholly irrelevant.

There is no room for advancement, and the only benefit is having a place to go into the morning to keep from dropping dead.

Pay: Lunch.

No replies.