new york craigslist > domestic gigs

Reply to: serv-914234329@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-11-11, 9:12AM EST

As science has proven in the last year, electrons are everywhere. Because they are so plentiful, they are a cheap source of energy and thus are the most common way of powering machines. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electricity). However, they are extremely dangerous. High powered electrons can easily slice through our genomics and mutate our cells, creating giant tumors. Recently, I have successfully rid my living space of all electrons. I have gotten rid of all the electrical wiring in my apartment and caught all of the errant electrons floating in my home. I stored them in a mason jar, which I then buried many, many feet under the ground and then detonated with high explosives.

Because I no longer have electrons, I have been attempting to power my appliances with alternate forms of energy. STEAM, I have realized, is the safest and most effective form of energy because it is based from water, which is what life comes from. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neutron_moderator). Thus far, the only appliance of mine that I have been able to use steam for is my iron. I am looking for a fully accredited Steam Engineer (preferably with a Masters Steam Engineering from a top-50 engineering school) to convert my home into a fully-functional steam home. This includes appliances as well as lighting, as I currently live in complete darkness. Ultimately, I wish to have my electron-heavy arteries replaced entirely with microscopic tubes pumping gallons of scalding, energy-rich steam through my body. This would be ideal.

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